Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Bad Days

We all have our bad days.  Days where nothing seems to go quite right.  Days where everything seems to go absolutely wrong.  Stress takes over our bodies.  We feel despondent.  People tell us everything is okay, but we don't believe them... maybe we don't care.  We are inconsolable.  We know that tomorrow is a new day, so we just hold on.  And if we can, we turn to that one person who knows us better than we know ourselves.  Maybe we confide in them, maybe we just seek comfort, maybe we just need to be held close and feel secure.

Babies have bad days too.  They don't "know" that tomorrow is a new day.  They try their best to communicate.  They want to be held tight and feel the strength of our love.  I try to remind myself of this on days when her fussing becomes overwhelming, even borderline annoying.  When my brain is screaming for five measly seconds to myself so that I can go to the restroom, eat lunch, or breathe.  Being a mom is hard, but being a baby is hard too.  I think we forget that because they seem so small and their needs so simple.

Tonight, when all I really want is my mom, I try to imagine what that emotion must be like to process for such a tiny, new person with such limited means of self expression.  I take a deep breath, and I feel perspective.  I can be there for her the way I wish my mom could be there for me.  Right now.  In this moment.

In this moment, and for every moment to come, I will be there.

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