Wednesday, November 28, 2018

A Toy Vacuum Cleaner That Really Screams!

You’ve probably seen the links getting passed around Facebook. “Parents! Amazon sells this toy vacuum that actually cleans!”  Or how about “Dyson sells a vacuum for kids that actually works!“

This vacuum cleaner has been getting read discovered by unsuspecting parents over and over again for the last 5+ years. As someone who is sitting right next to one, let me just go ahead and tell you ALL about this toy.

Parents! Amazon sells this vacuum that has an extremely weak suction feature that drains the battery in 5 minutes and results in your kid screaming (again).  Dyson doesn't sell a vacuum that sounds like a canister of shrapnel and broken glass swirling around inside your brain because this toy is a replica manufactured by Casdon Toys.  It will make your ears bleed, but rest assured that it will be your child’s FAVORITE sound in the world. Every time you turn it off, they will turn it back on. Immediately. 

This "toy that every mom loves" is unbalanced, so every time your child tries to let go, it will fall over. This will make your child scream. You will turn off the vacuum machine to console your heartbroken child WHICH IS THE WORST THING you could have done. They will trun it back on and scowl at you.  You are now public enemy #1.  

When they are finally distracted, you will sneak away clutching the vacuum close to your chest to muffle its screams.  Sure, you will hide it like you do all annoying toys, breathing a momentary sigh of relief, but they will NEVER forget this machine.  They will weep for it whenever they see you vacuuming. And so this blessed "toy vacuum that really cleans" will be the longest living toy you own. You will name it Fred. You will dream about the day where you can load Fred up and haul him away to ANYWHERE ELSE. But we both know that Fred will be in the corner screeching until the day you die. 

Still want to buy it?  Well, you can lead a horse to water, but sometimes they just have to find their own reasons to drink.  Bottoms up, friends. 

(If you want a toy that can actually help clean without paving the road to your insanity, might I suggest something a little more old school?)

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