Saturday, August 31, 2013

The Breastfeeding Saga :: Part I - The Latch

As you might have guessed from the title, our breastfeeding journey has not been simple.  It hasn't been beautiful and easy like you see in the movies.  We have fought for every day of this now 8 month relationship, and I've learned quite a bit along the way.  I want to share our experiences here in case there is a new mom out there who just can't figure out what's going on.  Maybe something we went through will help them smooth out the edges of their own breastfeeding relationship considerably sooner than we were able.  It's a long story, so I'm going to break it up into parts.

Grab some popcorn. Here we go.

Thursday, August 29, 2013

You Called?

Yesterday, I was talking on the phone with a new mama / new friend who is having a rough time--and rightfully so with the sheer amount of life events she has experienced within the last several weeks.  We've waded through some of the heavy subjects, and now we are talking about the every day.  I tell her about how Baby has decided (mostly due to tooth pain) that she only needs one nap today.  It is 2 hours past when she should have gone to sleep, and she is in the Crazy Baby Zone.  The Crazy Baby Zone is this tiny little window of time located directly before Baby hits critical mass.  She becomes this overtired little nutcase that finds everything hilarious; it's all goofiness, smiles, and laughs... right up until BOOM. Meltdown.

The New Mama Friend gets another call and asks if she can call me right back.  I respond, "Yeah, if I don't answer it's because I'm getting Crazy in bed."

Hubby suddenly appears, a puzzled look on his face.  "You're getting crazy in bed?"

I laugh and quickly begin to rephrase, only there's no one on the line.  

Apparently, I don't even need auto correct to say things that are completely inappropriate.

Tuesday, August 27, 2013

Downward Don't

Baby is working on her second bottom tooth now.  

Somewhere between teething, wonder weeks, and reflux, she has become an extremely dramatic little baby.  The scream you hear when she falls and bumps her head is the same scream you hear when you lay her down for a diaper change.  I first suspected an ear infection might be lurking, but there are plenty of times where she's playing on her back and seems completely fine.  I think she is just hurting and working on a lot of milestones all at once.  It's just too much emotional data for one little baby to process.  I try to re-assure her.  I try to distracted her.  And I try to keep the dressing and undressing of Baby to a minimum.

In related news, nursing a teething, mobile baby has not been without its challenges.  She must practice standing and walking at all times.  Her favorite position requires both legs to be extended and her butt high up in the air--downward dog, if you will.  As cute as this may be, it couldn't possibly be worse for her reflux.  And the balancing act plus teeth is not doing this mama any favors either.  But I can't help but laugh at her new After Meal Ritual: she unlatches and shifts her weight back until she is standing on the bed.  She teeters there, a perfect example of baby balance and strength, grinning, huffing, snorting, giggling at her newfound skill.  She reminds me of Popeye after he downs a can of spinach. Her tummy is full and anything is possible.

Sunday, August 25, 2013

And She's Off...

Watching Baby crawl has to be one the cutest things I have ever seen.  She is so joyful about it, flipping her hands in the air as she crosses the room quickly and with such determination.  There is not a second of hesitation as she pat, pat, pats over to check out something new.  When she's thoroughly examined her surroundings, she turns, looks at me, and hones in like a missile.  She tap, tap, taps on my toes to let me know she's ready for my undivided attention.  I hold out my fingers.  She looks so serious as she reaches forward to take one on each hand, and then POP, she's standing and ready to take off.  What used to be wobbly, concentrated steps are now approaching a near run.  She knows where she's going before her eyes have even left the ground, and I'm trailing behind her, always the last to know what exactly it is that we are about to get into.  Today, it was the dishwasher rack.  Tomorrow? Who knows.  I'm exhausted and my back hurts, but I can't wait to find out.

Ssh, Mommy...

It's time for baby's afternoon nap, and I'm singing to her as she dozes off.  She turns to look at me, pops her pacifier in my mouth, and starts giggling.

I'd take it personally if she weren't so damn cute about it.

Saturday, August 24, 2013

Auto Censored

Yesterday was full of reflux battles.  You might remember me mentioning that I almost had Baby asleep for the night when the hiccups started in again.  I might have been frustrated.  I might have thought of a few choice words as I typed away on my dimmed screen in our dark bedroom.  

I might have gotten lost in translation.

Luckily, things improved a little bit today.  They improved enough that I could look back on this and chuckle, knowing that each day is a step closer to Baby feeling better again.

Do you have a funny mom related auto correct that you want to share? email me at

Friday, August 23, 2013

Today is Not Better

"I Hate Reflux" by Mrs Shakes

Reflux you are the
Bane of my existence. Why
won't you go away?

The reflux flare up due to that ducking banana continues to wreak havoc on my poor baby.

I'm trying to stay calm, but dealing with all this again when I finally thought we were in the clear makes me want to melt down.

Forget baby party... who wants to have a mommy party tonight?  I'll bring the guacamole, the chips, and the tequila.  Sign up below.

Thursday, August 22, 2013

Bananas Are The Devil

It's really hard for me to believe that, after weeks of controlled reflux, all it takes is a few spoonfuls of banana to blow everything apart.  But the evidence is stacking up loud and clear, and I can hear it calling to me "aren't you glad you trusted your gut and kept it simple with solids"?

By the afternoon of Banana Day, Baby was spitting up and sounding just a little bit raspy.  You're being paranoid, I told myself.  You're expecting it to go wrong, and you're looking for signs of doom.  I took a deep breath and told myself it was just a little bit of banana.  Calm down.
By that evening, we had more spit up, and baby had horrible refluxy hiccups.  The kind where she can barely breathe, and she's choking down spit up all throughout.  The facts were slapping me in the face.  Gwen Stefani was right: this shot is bananas.

At nighttime I was in full on reflux PTSD.  She was kicking her feet, wouldn't settle, clearly uncomfortable.  It took a long time to get her to sleep, and she slept very poorly throughout most of the night.  I prayed it would be better in the morning, but unfortunately, reflux flare ups always take DAYS sometimes WEEKS to resolve.

This morning she was hiccuping still, raspy, and taking shorter feeds.  Breathe deep, I told myself, it will get better.  I tried to take comfort in the fact that at least THIS time I knew what the problem was.  But she was hysterical for her breakfast oatmeal, wanting to eat because she hurt, and hurting because she was eating too much.  The rest of the day was plagued with incessant fussing.  The kind that makes you feel crazy, because there is nothing you can do to help it.  And it just goes on, and on, and on.... I sound horribly uncaring, don't I?

Dinner followed the same path, and afterwards she was very fussy.  At bedtime she settled into my arms, happily accepting the comfort, and clearly ready to rest.  That's when the hiccups started.  I held her for 20 minutes while she tried to breathe between rounds, her eyes drifting and then shooting open with each hiccup.  They finally slowed, then came to a stop.  Moments later she was asleep.

I hope today was the worst of it, and tomorrow will be better.

Just Keep Rowing

I woke up singing "Row Your Boat" this morning. I got through two verses before I realized that I was sing:

Row, row, row your boat,
Gently down the shore,
Merrily, Merrily, Merrily, Merrily,
Life is but a chore.

Yikes. Looks like the ol subconscious has taken control. That's a little a Debbie Downer for my taste; last night was rough, but not that rough!

Flash forward to breakfast--I'm making myself some toast, and I come up with this:

What kind of personality does The Fonz have?
Type Ehhhhhhhhh!

 So it's official. Shari deprivation kills brain cells.  You have been warned.

Wednesday, August 21, 2013

Mystery Solved

So you might have read about our dumb white noise machine and it's amazing new feature of randomly stopping several times a night, waking both me and the baby.  And well, let's be honest, waking the husband via my elbow in his side and something just short of hissing about getting up to fix it while I feed the baby.

The "white noise machine" is actually an iPod Touch and a dock with speakers.  I realized yesterday that the possessed little hell gadget has buttons on the back that I've never actually examined.  I don't understand what any of them are suppose to do--I can hardly read two of them--but I'm guessing one says "Press this if you hate yourself."

Reset the damn thing and now we're golden.  Well, you know, until the baby wakes up.

Roll Roll Roll Your Babe

There is a lovely woman in one of the moms groups* I frequent that has a much deserved success with her daughter sleeping through the night for the last 2 weeks.  She is attributing it to slathering her daughter in lavender oil before bed time.  As I get Baby ready for bed tonight, I like to imagine millions of sleepy moms just like me rolling their little dough babies around in oil and praying for a miracle.

If nothing else, the world smells just a little nicer tonight.  Good luck, mamas!  Report back and let me know how it goes!

*More coming soon about this amazingly supportive group.


Due to Baby's history of reflux, mspi (milk soy protein intolerance),  and a variety of other tummy troubles, we have been very slow introducing solids.  As in she's-eight-months-old-and-has-tried-two-things slow.  She loves oatmeal, and she clamped shut after one spoon of avocado.  I'll admit, her refusal of avocado surprised me; the stuff practically runs through my veins.  Anyway, this morning we finally introduced bananas.

I should have known that entering the dining room singing "Hollaback Girl" might set the stage for disappointment.  She took the first few bites with a perplexed enthusiasm for eating in general. Subsequent bites were followed by the look one might get after downing a shot of cheap tequila.  Quickly her interest in eating the bananas waned, and the meal was over.

Deliciousness Score: Oatmeal > Bananas > Avocado

Reflux Score: Big Fat F.

Serenity Now

Baby keeps using my hair as a handle to stand up when I am not being accommodating.  When she only grabs a small handful, and consequently rips it out, I find myself clamping my mouth shut to desperately contain the Pandora's Box of expletives that are flooding to my lips.

At this point, I am literally finding chunks of my hair everywhere but on my head.  Pretty soon I'm going to look like a mommy with a bad case of mange.

Maybe I need to start wearing it back in a pony tail.  It will look more tempting leverage wise, but perhaps maintain the integrity of what little hair I have left.


What is your little one doing right now that requires you to slam shut the flood gates?

Tuesday, August 20, 2013

Home Inspection

Crawling Baby did a thorough inspection of the house today.

She checked out the dog crates, removed the rubber handles, and then tried to taste them.  I just can't imagine those are clean... Crawling Baby was sent directly back to Start.

Shuffle. Shuffle. Shuffle.

Baby is now across the room at the stereo system. Back to Start.

Shuffle. Shuffle. Shuffle.

Stereo System. Back to Start.

Shuffle. Shuffle. Shuffle. Click. Click. Click. Giggle.

Victory at Stereo System.  Baby is thrilled to find that the knob turns, clicks, and even makes the cool lights on the front change.  Well, there will be no stopping her now.  Let's just go into her room.  I sit her down and go back for my water.

Boom. Boom. Boom.

I rush back, panicked.  Baby has mastered the drawer.  She has pulled it open over her legs and is trying to dig both arms in.  I think it's time for some supervised play.

Living in Fear

Another rough teething night ahead of us. She's eating, and here's how things are playing out.

Tooth: THIS IS A STICK UP!  Give us everything, or the nipple gets it!

Boob: <letdown letdown letdown>

Clearly, we are not above negotiating with terrorists in this household.

Monday, August 19, 2013

Good Luck with That

Hubby just passed through the living room looking like a poor 'ol zombie.

"I have to go to bed. I have to get some sleep."
"Okay, sweetie.  I'll be there after I finish this."

Five seconds after he gets into the bedroom, I hear...

"GA! GA! Ba ba ba ba ba.  Do wha? Ba ba ba ba.  GA! Ga ga ga ga. A yeah. Gaaaaah"

Baby has been in there trying to engage him in conversation for about 5 minutes now.  No, it's another no-sleep night for me (us), but at least it's a no-sleep night filled with laughs...

So far.

UPDATE: She just talked herself to sleep.  Seriously? Why am I up still!

Professional Crawler

Do you have an ottoman that you just keep meaning to clear off? Perhaps there is a spec of dirt in your carpet that needs examining, or some laundry you just can't find the time to tip over?  Then Crawling Baby is just for you!

In one short week, Crawling Baby can go from awkward, angry crawling to efficient crawling with unmatched determination.  Imagine a Roomba that remembers the exact spot of the room it was in when you decided to move it, and despite all obstacles, returns to that spot over and over again. That's your very own Crawling Baby.

Aww, look at Crawling Baby; She's trying to pick that tiny spec of debris up off the floor!  What are you doing, adorable Detail Baby? Wait... NO DON'T EAT WHATEVER THAT IS!

Duck This Shot

Baby is teething pretty hard core these days.  The tooth lurks there in the darkness, ready to bring the pain, but it hasn't quite busted all the way through.  Last night was definitely the worst it has affected her sleep so far.  She went to bed around 8 after a long afternoon nap, but could not stay asleep.  Around midnight, after about 5 wakings, I had finally gotten her to sleep in her bed.  I snuggled down into the sheets, and finally started to drift off... when suddenly, the white noise stopped, AGAIN.

This marks the four night in a row, but we are both so tired that we kept forgetting to investigate it during the day.  I weighed the consequences of laying there in silence and hoping she would sleep despite it, or getting up to re-start the white noise and risk waking her.  The crying quickly began.  I picked her up and tried to soothe her, while hiding the cell phone from her view so I could send this fuming email to my husband.

"I'd the lady night that giving eke noise rooms my night. FINALLY get her down and out style. Duck this shot. We need a plan. What are we going to do? Use your old phone instead? Mrs shakes? I don't care, but simmering changes."

To which he responded:
"I have no idea what this says, but I'm sorry about the bad night, Mrs. Shakes."

And thus a pen name was born.

Luckily, the white noise persevered through the rest of the night, and this email was just the laugh I needed to start off Monday with no sleep.

Do you have a funny mom related auto correct that you want to share? email me at

Sunday, August 18, 2013

Return or Exchange?

Our white noise setup (iPod with speakers) has been flaking out on me in the middle of the night.  The silence wakes me up, and flustered I attempt to get it back on without waking baby.  Sometimes it works, sometimes it does not.

Last night was the third night this damn thing was on the fritz, and--frustrated that we kept forgetting to address the issue--I emailed hubby while I was nursing baby back to sleep.

"It has stopped ashtray. Fussy thing am we need to trouble shoot or replace
I'm exchanged."

Do you have a funny mom related auto correct that you want to share? email me at

Saturday, August 17, 2013

Sharp Angry Tooth Threatens Entire Family

Baby is gnawing on everything. And everyone.  Today at lunch she chomped down on my finger hard enough to let me know that she means business. Ouch.  She's clearly uncomfortable, and I wonder how long it takes for this thing to get through already.

On a side note, I've always hated teeth. They have caused me nothing but anxiety since I was a wee one myself.  I remember having to get several teeth pulled at the dentist because I either wouldn't, or couldn't do it myself.  They would numb you, and you got to choose how: The Needle or The Gun.

Dear Pediatric Dentist, know your audience. 

One time, I refused to give up the tooth even after The Gun, and the dentist suggested strapping me down.  Thankfully, my father refused.

Teeth = Nightmares.

Friday, August 16, 2013

Mutually Confused

Yesterday, I had just gotten teething baby to bed (finally)!  I didn't want to risk waking her with the flood of light from the living room when I opened the door, so I sent hubby a text to "Please turn the lights off for a sex."  To which he responded, "YEAH OKAY!"

Of course, that was suppose to read "for a sec."

Wednesday, August 14, 2013


After four months of teething, the first tooth has been spotted! I have occasionally felt it, but now I can see it clear as day... bottom right side.  I see the shadow of another next to it.  It won't be long now, I think.

Tuesday, August 13, 2013

Start Your Engines

Baby has started crawling.  She discovered the movement this fussy afternoon while in a fit of rage.

We had just gotten up from a nap, and she did not want to be put down... unless, of course, it meant that I was going to sit right next to her so she could hold my fingers and walk.  My stomach, however, has different plans of the lunch variety.  So I sat with her for a few moments, and then I made my move for the kitchen.

The results can be described in one word: banshee.

I tried reason: "Baby, mommy needs to eat, just like you do. Matter of fact, mommy needs to eat SO you can eat."  I'm sure this would have worked if she could have heard me.

Next I tried sense of humor: "Sweetie, you're being a little silly. Mommy is going to take a picture of that silly face and send it to daddy so he can see how silly you're being."  The camera on my phone ALWAYS makes baby smile.  See the plan unfolding?

But it didn't work. She continued to scream angrily, and then she started trying to stand on her own. With one knee down, and one foot down, she looked about as red and determined as Spider Man.  Slowly, she slid forward.

"Baby, look what you just did!"

Screams continued as she pulled herself across the floor until she reached me. I couldn't keep myself from laughing at the scene unfolding before me.  She had crawled, but I'm not sure she even noticed.

She grabbed onto my arms and pulled herself up, giggling.  The red faded, and I shook my head. 

Silly baby, you have no idea how awesome you are.

Monday, August 12, 2013

Peek A Boo Baby

Baby figured out how to sit up today.  I figured it was only a matter of time...  which brings me to a confession...

Baby still sleeps on her pack n play bassinet insert.  Okay, before you freak out, I think it's fine... probably.  But, the weight limit is 15 lbs, you might say.  You're right, but we thought it was 20, which is actually the weight limit on the changing table that came with it.  It makes no sense to me, because there is no way we could safely use that thing with her as big and mobile as she is.  And the bassinet looks fine! But still. I know our days are numbered, and I told hubby we are going to have to take it out by the weekend.

Scream Around in a Cake

We don't exactly get a lot of sleep around these parts--and let me just say--sleep deprivation with a new baby is especially conducive to auto-corrects.  You're exhausted, maybe you're in a dark room, maybe you even have a screen dimmer like I do, or maybe you're just trying to get a message to the outside world while baby claws at your face/phone/hair.  No matter the circumstance, all signs point to very little attention to detail.

On this particular day, I was rushing to the dentist (late as usual) to get impressions made for a new night guard.  Yep--a new one--because the one I bought a year ago had been chewed into submission.  I think we can thank childbirth and infant reflux for that one.  Anyway, there was no time for texting, so I used voice-to-text to get hubby some very important nap time instructions.  

Stay tuned to Mom Corrected for more unique parenting advice that you just won't find in the bookstores.

Do you have a funny mom related auto correct that you want to share? email me at

Sunday, August 11, 2013

The Intro

Hello and welcome to yet another mommy blog!  I've been wanting to start my own since my daughter was born in December, but I also wanted to sleep, eat, shower, and... well, you get the picture.  From the very beginning, baby and I had a bit of trouble breastfeeding, which resulted in long struggled nursing sessions.  From there we ran right into a milk soy protein intolerance (also known as mpsi or dairy allergy), infant reflux, the battle of trying to find the right medication, reactions to said medications, the array of tummy troubles that went along with them, scheduling our entire day around dosing them, and the world of tongue and lip ties.  Whew, right?  That's a lot to cover in one sentence, so I have very intention of coming back to each subject separately to share our experiences in the hopes that they might help someone else.

But, to get back on topic, I think you can see why a mommy blog just hasn't been a real possibility for me until now.  Not that we have cleared all these hurdles, but we are at least moving forward now, and I hope the time will manifest.  Had I moved forward with the blog in the very beginning, you would have seen one panicked, desperate post and then radio silence for months.  Or you would have had the pleasure of witnessing my mental demise as we struggled to regain our footing.  Either way, I'm not sure that's exactly how I had hoped we would meet, so here I am, Day 1, and I'm starting with a laugh.

Thanks for reading and joining me as I figure out what the duck I'm doing as a new mom.


Thursday, August 1, 2013

Coming Soon!

This section is currently under construction.  Thank you for your patience.