Saturday, August 31, 2013
The Breastfeeding Saga :: Part I - The Latch
Grab some popcorn. Here we go.
Thursday, August 29, 2013
You Called?
Yesterday, I was talking on the phone with a new mama / new friend who is having a rough time--and rightfully so with the sheer amount of life events she has experienced within the last several weeks. We've waded through some of the heavy subjects, and now we are talking about the every day. I tell her about how Baby has decided (mostly due to tooth pain) that she only needs one nap today. It is 2 hours past when she should have gone to sleep, and she is in the Crazy Baby Zone. The Crazy Baby Zone is this tiny little window of time located directly before Baby hits critical mass. She becomes this overtired little nutcase that finds everything hilarious; it's all goofiness, smiles, and laughs... right up until BOOM. Meltdown.
The New Mama Friend gets another call and asks if she can call me right back. I respond, "Yeah, if I don't answer it's because I'm getting Crazy in bed."
Hubby suddenly appears, a puzzled look on his face. "You're getting crazy in bed?"
I laugh and quickly begin to rephrase, only there's no one on the line.
Apparently, I don't even need auto correct to say things that are completely inappropriate.
Tuesday, August 27, 2013
Downward Don't
Baby is working on her second bottom tooth now.
Somewhere between teething, wonder weeks, and reflux, she has become an extremely dramatic little baby. The scream you hear when she falls and bumps her head is the same scream you hear when you lay her down for a diaper change. I first suspected an ear infection might be lurking, but there are plenty of times where she's playing on her back and seems completely fine. I think she is just hurting and working on a lot of milestones all at once. It's just too much emotional data for one little baby to process. I try to re-assure her. I try to distracted her. And I try to keep the dressing and undressing of Baby to a minimum.
In related news, nursing a teething, mobile baby has not been without its challenges. She must practice standing and walking at all times. Her favorite position requires both legs to be extended and her butt high up in the air--downward dog, if you will. As cute as this may be, it couldn't possibly be worse for her reflux. And the balancing act plus teeth is not doing this mama any favors either. But I can't help but laugh at her new After Meal Ritual: she unlatches and shifts her weight back until she is standing on the bed. She teeters there, a perfect example of baby balance and strength, grinning, huffing, snorting, giggling at her newfound skill. She reminds me of Popeye after he downs a can of spinach. Her tummy is full and anything is possible.
Sunday, August 25, 2013
And She's Off...
Ssh, Mommy...
Saturday, August 24, 2013
Auto Censored
Friday, August 23, 2013
Today is Not Better
Bane of my existence. Why
won't you go away?
Thursday, August 22, 2013
Bananas Are The Devil
By the afternoon of Banana Day, Baby was spitting up and sounding just a little bit raspy. You're being paranoid, I told myself. You're expecting it to go wrong, and you're looking for signs of doom. I took a deep breath and told myself it was just a little bit of banana. Calm down.
By that evening, we had more spit up, and baby had horrible refluxy hiccups. The kind where she can barely breathe, and she's choking down spit up all throughout. The facts were slapping me in the face. Gwen Stefani was right: this shot is bananas.
At nighttime I was in full on reflux PTSD. She was kicking her feet, wouldn't settle, clearly uncomfortable. It took a long time to get her to sleep, and she slept very poorly throughout most of the night. I prayed it would be better in the morning, but unfortunately, reflux flare ups always take DAYS sometimes WEEKS to resolve.
This morning she was hiccuping still, raspy, and taking shorter feeds. Breathe deep, I told myself, it will get better. I tried to take comfort in the fact that at least THIS time I knew what the problem was. But she was hysterical for her breakfast oatmeal, wanting to eat because she hurt, and hurting because she was eating too much. The rest of the day was plagued with incessant fussing. The kind that makes you feel crazy, because there is nothing you can do to help it. And it just goes on, and on, and on.... I sound horribly uncaring, don't I?
Dinner followed the same path, and afterwards she was very fussy. At bedtime she settled into my arms, happily accepting the comfort, and clearly ready to rest. That's when the hiccups started. I held her for 20 minutes while she tried to breathe between rounds, her eyes drifting and then shooting open with each hiccup. They finally slowed, then came to a stop. Moments later she was asleep.
I hope today was the worst of it, and tomorrow will be better.
Just Keep Rowing
Row, row, row your boat,
Gently down the shore,
Merrily, Merrily, Merrily, Merrily,
Life is but a chore.
Flash forward to breakfast--I'm making myself some toast, and I come up with this:
What kind of personality does The Fonz have?
Type Ehhhhhhhhh!
So it's official. Shari deprivation kills brain cells. You have been warned.
Wednesday, August 21, 2013
Mystery Solved
The "white noise machine" is actually an iPod Touch and a dock with speakers. I realized yesterday that the possessed little hell gadget has buttons on the back that I've never actually examined. I don't understand what any of them are suppose to do--I can hardly read two of them--but I'm guessing one says "Press this if you hate yourself."
Reset the damn thing and now we're golden. Well, you know, until the baby wakes up.
Roll Roll Roll Your Babe
If nothing else, the world smells just a little nicer tonight. Good luck, mamas! Report back and let me know how it goes!
*More coming soon about this amazingly supportive group.
B-a-n-a-n-a-s
I should have known that entering the dining room singing "Hollaback Girl" might set the stage for disappointment. She took the first few bites with a perplexed enthusiasm for eating in general. Subsequent bites were followed by the look one might get after downing a shot of cheap tequila. Quickly her interest in eating the bananas waned, and the meal was over.
Deliciousness Score: Oatmeal > Bananas > Avocado
Reflux Score: Big Fat F.
Serenity Now
At this point, I am literally finding chunks of my hair everywhere but on my head. Pretty soon I'm going to look like a mommy with a bad case of mange.
Maybe I need to start wearing it back in a pony tail. It will look more tempting leverage wise, but perhaps maintain the integrity of what little hair I have left.
--
What is your little one doing right now that requires you to slam shut the flood gates?
Tuesday, August 20, 2013
Home Inspection
She checked out the dog crates, removed the rubber handles, and then tried to taste them. I just can't imagine those are clean... Crawling Baby was sent directly back to Start.
Shuffle. Shuffle. Shuffle.
Baby is now across the room at the stereo system. Back to Start.
Shuffle. Shuffle. Shuffle.
Stereo System. Back to Start.
Shuffle. Shuffle. Shuffle. Click. Click. Click. Giggle.
Victory at Stereo System. Baby is thrilled to find that the knob turns, clicks, and even makes the cool lights on the front change. Well, there will be no stopping her now. Let's just go into her room. I sit her down and go back for my water.
Boom. Boom. Boom.
I rush back, panicked. Baby has mastered the drawer. She has pulled it open over her legs and is trying to dig both arms in. I think it's time for some supervised play.
Living in Fear
Boob: <letdown letdown letdown>
Monday, August 19, 2013
Good Luck with That
"I have to go to bed. I have to get some sleep."
"Okay, sweetie. I'll be there after I finish this."
Five seconds after he gets into the bedroom, I hear...
"GA! GA! Ba ba ba ba ba. Do wha? Ba ba ba ba. GA! Ga ga ga ga. A yeah. Gaaaaah"
Baby has been in there trying to engage him in conversation for about 5 minutes now. No, it's another no-sleep night for me (us), but at least it's a no-sleep night filled with laughs...
So far.
UPDATE: She just talked herself to sleep. Seriously? Why am I up still!
Professional Crawler
Duck This Shot
This marks the four night in a row, but we are both so tired that we kept forgetting to investigate it during the day. I weighed the consequences of laying there in silence and hoping she would sleep despite it, or getting up to re-start the white noise and risk waking her. The crying quickly began. I picked her up and tried to soothe her, while hiding the cell phone from her view so I could send this fuming email to my husband.
"I'd the lady night that giving eke noise rooms my night. FINALLY get her down and out style. Duck this shot. We need a plan. What are we going to do? Use your old phone instead? Mrs shakes? I don't care, but simmering changes."
To which he responded:
"I have no idea what this says, but I'm sorry about the bad night, Mrs. Shakes."
And thus a pen name was born.
Luckily, the white noise persevered through the rest of the night, and this email was just the laugh I needed to start off Monday with no sleep.
Sunday, August 18, 2013
Return or Exchange?
I'm exchanged."
Do you have a funny mom related auto correct that you want to share? email me at momcorrected@gmail.com.
Saturday, August 17, 2013
Sharp Angry Tooth Threatens Entire Family
Dear Pediatric Dentist, know your audience.
One time, I refused to give up the tooth even after The Gun, and the dentist suggested strapping me down. Thankfully, my father refused.
Friday, August 16, 2013
Mutually Confused
Wednesday, August 14, 2013
Lurker
Tuesday, August 13, 2013
Start Your Engines
We had just gotten up from a nap, and she did not want to be put down... unless, of course, it meant that I was going to sit right next to her so she could hold my fingers and walk. My stomach, however, has different plans of the lunch variety. So I sat with her for a few moments, and then I made my move for the kitchen.
The results can be described in one word: banshee.
She grabbed onto my arms and pulled herself up, giggling. The red faded, and I shook my head.
Monday, August 12, 2013
Peek A Boo Baby
Scream Around in a Cake
Sunday, August 11, 2013
The Intro
But, to get back on topic, I think you can see why a mommy blog just hasn't been a real possibility for me until now. Not that we have cleared all these hurdles, but we are at least moving forward now, and I hope the time will manifest. Had I moved forward with the blog in the very beginning, you would have seen one panicked, desperate post and then radio silence for months. Or you would have had the pleasure of witnessing my mental demise as we struggled to regain our footing. Either way, I'm not sure that's exactly how I had hoped we would meet, so here I am, Day 1, and I'm starting with a laugh.
Thanks for reading and joining me as I figure out what the duck I'm doing as a new mom.
T