My daughter who can eat neither dairy nor soy, not bananas or avocado, decided that today was the day to try her hand at something a little more... advanced... That's right folks, step right up to see the amazing, electricity eating baby. And much like everything else I have tried to feed her, the electricity did not sit well. I joke, but rest assured that when I came charging into the living in response to her cries, my heart nearly stopped and I went into full on panic mode.
I held her and tried to comfort her while dialing my husband's cellphone. When he answered, I calmly asked him if he thought she would be okay. It went something like this.
YOU WERE JUST TEXTING ME.
Husband actually answers the phone here.
I DON'T KNOW WHY IT TAKES YOU SO LONG TO ANSWER YOUR PHONE! THE BABY JUST ELECTROCUTED HERSELF SUCKING ON THE LAPTOP CHARGER, AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO! I'M FREAKING OUT!
Let's all have a moment of silence for whatever sanity my husband thought was left in our marriage.
After he reassured me that if she wasn't crying, and she wasn't comotois (comforting, huh?), she was probably fine, we got off the phone. Only, that wasn't good enough. I was still panicking while she had long since crawled off to play with something that wasn't at risk for killing her. So I called the only person who can make you feel better in this kind of situation. A fellow mom.
She was logical. Patient. Reassuring. She told me the only thing that will make you feel better in this situation (other than the baby being okay), and that is: "You are only human. My daughter has gotten into terrible things too." And then she started laughing at me, and she continued until I started laughing at me too. That's when my heart finally believed my head, and my blood pressure started to regulate.
The thing about babies is... they are unstoppable. It doesn't matter how hard you try, they will eventually get into something they shouldn't. And our biggest hope is that whatever they finally get into will be low enough on the totem pole that they won't actually injure themselves. Baby proofing will not prevent all accidents. Baby proofing prevents most major accidents. But they are sneaky, clever little things, these babies, they are infinitely resourceful and they will find a way to explore their environment.
And though I'm still shaking as I type this, I'm writing it so that other moms who are feeling immensely guilty because their baby finally outsmarted the system in a way that was real and scary will know: It's okay. My daughter once tried to eat electricity. And I'll hold you in my heart just like my friend did me, and I'll let you know that we all make mistakes. I'll laugh as I tell you about the story because she was okay. And if you are really having a rough go, I might mutter under my breath:
The other day I was fixing baby's bath and turned around to find her gleefully clinking two razors together like a maniac.
And you won't judge me because guess what? You'll know, even if it's only in the back of your head, there was a day when your baby tried to do __________. And it scared the shot out of you too.
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